Marching on

Last month was busy. I made two video games in two different game jams, delivered two hefty bits of coursework, worked toward a tough mid-project assessment at uni, visited home for my Dad's birthday (he's well old) and I went to Rezzed in Birmingham. I didn't find time to spew bullshit onto a page and I almost forgot how much I enjoy doing it.

Group Project - months of progress

Now it's April and we're already over a week into the Easter break. I'm sitting in a park on a sunny but chilly evening wondering why ducks don't get wet. I think it's because their feathers are oily.

have an experience and learn from it

Sometimes, I worry too much about shit that doesn't matter. In more perspectives than not, these things are so insignificant. I worry that what I do might not be the best it can be, or it might not turn out the way I want. I worry I can't write about kumquats in a meaningful manner. I worry that I might not be able to communicate my thoughts effectively in conversation. I worry about being labelled or offensive. Sometimes, I worry so much about these things I become incapacitated: I don't do anything if I'm not sure, I don't say anything if I'm not comfortable.

This is only sometimes - I'm on the spectrum of nerdy awkward but not a lost cause. But it is enough to bother me. Things like blog posts, challenging or unfamiliar experiences, spending time with people that aren't really high on my friendship graph (especially people I'm attracted to).

Murray Hewitt
friendship graph pioneer

expectations and trust

I haven't blogged in a while because I worry too much about shit that doesn't matter and people scare the shit out of me. That's a topic for another day.

Today's topic is expectations.

Over time you will develop expectations of your world. You see(k) patterns and you're not surprised when things recur. Maybe it's things you're okay with. Maybe it isn't. Perhaps you expect things from other people, maybe you still show your gratitude (well done you), maybe you've learned to live with it. There are things you might infer, given hypothetical situations, you might predict some outcome based on your expectations. In the event of a surprise, you still might have some expectation in hindsight. You compare events unfolded with what you had expected to happen. Your satisfaction or discontent with events unfolded is determined by your expectations.