expectations and trust

I haven't blogged in a while because I worry too much about shit that doesn't matter and people scare the shit out of me. That's a topic for another day.

Today's topic is expectations.

Over time you will develop expectations of your world. You see(k) patterns and you're not surprised when things recur. Maybe it's things you're okay with. Maybe it isn't. Perhaps you expect things from other people, maybe you still show your gratitude (well done you), maybe you've learned to live with it. There are things you might infer, given hypothetical situations, you might predict some outcome based on your expectations. In the event of a surprise, you still might have some expectation in hindsight. You compare events unfolded with what you had expected to happen. Your satisfaction or discontent with events unfolded is determined by your expectations. 



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I play Dota 2 from time to time. It's a game with two teams of five players and a game lasts just under an hour before a winning team is determined. Winning Dota is a lot of fun. When I'm on a losing streak it's tempting to think I'm more likely to win the next game. This just isn't true - the game doesn't owe me a win. It's actually a phenomenon called Gambler's Fallacy - I looked it up - imagine I tossed a coin and got a streak of heads, it's plain wrong of me to think that I'm more likely to get tails on the next toss. The odds are always 50/50. Back to Dota, this fallacy is a worthless time-wasting and potentially mood-killing expectation: "I'll just play one more, I'm owed a win, right?". It's time to approach Dota from a different angle - I'm just here to play a game with friends.

video games, video games...

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Lowering your expectations will make you happier by increasing the number of nice surprises down the road. You've probably heard that one, but not all expectations are so easily manipulated. When you trust in someone you're expecting a degree of loyalty or reliability, and trust isn't always a choice. It's not always practical to cease trusting in someone to avoid a burn in the future. And what kind of life would that be anyway? 

very American

As ever there is never a silver bullet. But there is always what happens next. How do you deal with unexpected events unfolded, like betrayal, or spilling your coffee? 

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It seems to me that forgiveness is like making another coffee and putting it back in exactly the same place ready to be spilled again. That's an oversimplification - people are good at learning from mistakes (well, the potential to learn is there...). As with any decision, I can only make it using the knowledge I have available to me. My simple answer must stem from so many factors - it's a complex situation. Maybe I can gain insight with empathy (empathy skewed by my limited knowledge and viewpoint), perhaps I can reckon the likelihood of a repeat offense, maybe the severity of betrayal alone determines my judgement. I could use paper and write down the good and the bad side by side. Once I'm made up, that's only a state of mind. Then I would decide what I should do, if anything. I'm being very vague, I know. Best for you not to guess or wonder - I'm just sharing my thoughts on a few things, past, present and future. There is no conclusion.

pros and cons