have an experience and learn from it

Sometimes, I worry too much about shit that doesn't matter. In more perspectives than not, these things are so insignificant. I worry that what I do might not be the best it can be, or it might not turn out the way I want. I worry I can't write about kumquats in a meaningful manner. I worry that I might not be able to communicate my thoughts effectively in conversation. I worry about being labelled or offensive. Sometimes, I worry so much about these things I become incapacitated: I don't do anything if I'm not sure, I don't say anything if I'm not comfortable.

This is only sometimes - I'm on the spectrum of nerdy awkward but not a lost cause. But it is enough to bother me. Things like blog posts, challenging or unfamiliar experiences, spending time with people that aren't really high on my friendship graph (especially people I'm attracted to).

Murray Hewitt
friendship graph pioneer

Anything that has the potential for failure - the kind of failure that persists in some record or memory like an ink splot in a book that seeps through pages. I worry.

I can't tell if Albert Einstein said that
or if he's just in the picture looking a bit sad

Failure doesn't feel good but it isn't all bad. Facepunch Studios is a game developer studio in Walsall, Staffordshire. They're raking in a lot of money selling a game called Rust (whose game mechanics should definitely include cannibalism). I'm telling you this to give Facepunch some precedence before I tell you what they think about failure. You can work for Facepunch if, among other things, "You are a failure. Being scared of failing is what leads people to make safe decisions. We don’t want you to make safe decisions. We want you to be bold and different. This is the only way to innovate. You’re not going to get fired if you start a project and then 3 months in you realise that the whole idea is shit. We applaud you for realising and not wasting any more of your time on it. Salvage whatever you can, learn from your experiences and move on."

Neil Gaiman is good with words.
go read his fiction
or listen to him read poems on YouTube

In a related topic, social psychologist Amy Cuddy talks about body language affecting your mood - certain poses can reduce stress and increase confidence. You're not as worried, you're more likely to risk failure. In Cuddy's context it's about being in control and taking a powerful stance over your situation. I love this notion: pose like you're the boss, you'll feel like a boss, you may even be more likely to succeed.

So don't be scared of failure. But do learn to manage risk - there's some things that aren't worth failing at.

This post is pretty similar to the one I wrote when I broke my phone. In that post I was worrying about being valid (read: shit that doesn't matter) and a solution I discussed was acting compassionately. This applies here, too. I'm spending less time selfishly worrying about things that impact only me, and more time doing things to help other people.

Win win.

Conversations are easy, share some stories, listen to problems, offer a perspective, maybe some advice, crack a joke if you're feeling edgy (insert morbid situation where this sequence applied results in losing all your friends). This might not be the best blog post, but fuck it! I'm not worried. I'm gonna frame it and put it on my windowsill.